New guy from TikTok ‘Twilight’: How my fantasy football book report went viral
As you may have heard by now, I’m a TikTok sensation.
It all started when I finished last in the fantasy football league I was invited to join a few years ago by my friend and fellow Deseret News columnist, Doug Robinson. The league is run by Doug’s son Preston the Commish who writes witty weekly roundups and everyone loves it unless you finish last, and he (with the help of his wife, Jen, who won last year) inflicts the punishment for your shameful display.
My penalty was reading the book “Twilight” and reporting on it in the 2021 League Draft held at Doug’s house on Tuesday night, September 7th. (A year earlier my son, Eric, a graduate of the University of Utah, finished in the basement and had to put a “My blood type is Y” bumper sticker on his car, which I rather enjoyed it.)
Here is my report to my fellow league members:
Here is my book report on “Twilight,” which reading was my consequence for finishing last in the COVID version of Fantasy Football 2020. But first a story about when I was in high school and my twin brother Dee was caught fighting in the parking lot a lot and was suspended from school for a week. Every morning the alarm went off, I got out of bed, got dressed and looked at my brother who was still asleep. I was like, “He’s sleeping and watching TV games and I’m getting up and going to school!” There is something really wrong with this punishment.
It was like that with “Twilight”. Reading it I felt sorry for the rest of the league who didn’t finish last and couldn’t read it. I loved the book. Well, loved might be too big a word, but I liked it a lot. I pulled it out of the library right after I finished my fantastic season going from first to worst due to bad luck and bad advice, most of it from Brian (Robinson). I couldn’t even win in the toilet bowl against Collin (Robinson), who pays as much attention to fantasy football as he does to the weather in Ethiopia.
But back to “Twilight”. It’s written by a Latter-day Saint (a totally irrelevant anecdote thrown here because this report is supposed to make a page) named Stephenie Meyer, who lives in Phoenix. My brother-in-law Bill lives in Phoenix and knows his father; says he’s a good guy. As a writer, Stephenie isn’t a Stephen King, say, or certainly not a Doug Robinson, but she’s a damn good storyteller. She made me say “I never thought much about how I was going to die,” which is the first line of the book.
Every night for a week I couldn’t wait to see how things were going for Bella and Edward, despite their age difference – she’s 17, he’s 104 – and dietary considerations – she doesn’t like it. blood ; he appreciates it. I rode with them on their crazy adventures, watched them fall in love, wondered why people in high school didn’t pay more attention to vampires, especially the soccer coach. Who wouldn’t want a running back who can run a 400 in four seconds? I cried when it ended.
So this is my report. Count me as someone who is not at all surprised that “Twilight” has sold 25 million books, been translated into 26 languages, and was No. 1 on the New York Times bestseller list. Call me a true believer. Call me a fan. Call it the one good thing that happened to me in fantasy football last year. Thanks for recommending it, Commish.
Social media came into the picture when my son, Tanner, who is studying in North Carolina for a Masters in Film at UNC-Wilmington, saw the video of my presentation, edited it, and titled it “My father must have written a book report on Twilight “and posted it on TikTok, sort of a hipster / hippie version of YouTube for short attention spans that until a week and a half ago I knew as much as the weather conditions in Ethiopia.
Here is the link: TikTok Papa
It turns out that there are a lot of people watching original videos. It turns out that even though “Twilight” was written 16 years ago, there is a thriving Twilight universe. Suddenly I was viral – 200,000 views at the end of day one, 400,000 the next morning, 500,000 (officially viral) in 24 hours, one million at the end of day two. A week later, the tally was approaching 1.5 million. There were almost 3,000 comments: “He’s our father now”, “I cried too when it ended HEY BESTIE LET’S BE BESTIES TWIHARDS FOREVER”, “I want to start a book club, with me and him, only him ”,“ This is the greatest tiktok ever and no, I’m not dramatic ”,“ Is your father actually George Bush? ”(I didn’t hear that one for a while) and my favorite, “Who’s gonna tell him there are three more books?”
I am in demand. People are wondering if I will make an audiobook. I was invited to attend the Twilight convention in Forks, Washington where Bella and Edward met and fell in love.
I have written over a dozen books. I wrote one on the abduction of Elizabeth Smart, I wrote a biography of great golfer Billy Casper, a memoir of LaVell Edwards, another on BYU quarterbacks, the history of the Olympics of summer and winter. In less than two weeks, more people saw the “Twilight” report I wrote in 30 minutes the day before the draft than all assembled.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have “New Moon” to read.